Tuesday, October 8, 2013


(A Vampire and His Dog)

They say that the dog is man's best friend.  We all understand the basis of that--the loyalty, the obedience, the empathetic bond that can easily exist between man and beast.  All the traits of an animal that has fairly well developed social skills.  Like people, dogs exist easily as a part of a family--they are pack animals after all.

But where does this leave a creature such as Dracula?  When the Prince of Darkness wants companionship out in the cold night on those long walks looking for a warm neck to suck on, where can he turn for company?  When he wants to toss around the old peasant's leg, who will fetch it for him?  What kind of animal would be a friend to the cold undead?
Why, Zoltan, of course!

That's right, Zoltan: Hound of Dracula!  A normal dog turned into one of the undead by the unholy fangs of Dracula!  This hound has the same longevity as your average vampire and he's totally loyal because he's in the thrall of the cursed vampire via hypnosis!

And the best thing about this is--they actually made a film about it!  Here's the everlovin' trailer:

That's all you need to know!

Sadly, I know much more--I actually saw this one earlier this year and found it to be a tough balancing act as it appeared they were trying to make it appeal to dog owners and lovers--and yet, the murdering psycho is a doberman pincher on meth!

At least it tries to be a horror film...

Next up, we have a sad little Norm MacDonald vehicle called VAMPIRE DOG.  It's such a neutered piece of work that I just had to turn it off after a little while.  It's a kiddie flick, but it is such a kiddie flick that the "vampire" dog in question doesn't drink blood!

How is this--how does this dog manifest it's vampirism, you ask?  Well, he does avert from direct sunlight, but thats about it.  What does a non-vampiric Vampire Dog eat?  What gets the dog going, what does it crave?

Red jelly.


MacDonald is the voice of Fang, the dog.  That's right, it's a TALKING dog!  THAT would be the natural headline if you have a dog that gets a sugar high from red jelly and just happens to be able to speak!  Anyway, this dog is inherited by a boy and so it's a shaky relationship to start with--add that to the fact that he's the new boy in town and you've got a movie that is for lesson-teaching first and foremost.

Here's a trailer for this thing:

So there you have two examples of how NOT to tell stories of immortal creatures who can lick themselves anywhere they please.

Ah, but here is a song about Dracula doggies--enjoy!

And here is a tabloid article about possible vampire dogs--ruh-roh!

Allright, pups, that's all for now.

I leave you with this image--
The only victim of the Vampire Dog and look at her bloodlust for that RED JELLY!


Caffeinated Joe said...

Horror dogs got nothing on that little girl. Jeepers!

Gary Lee said...

She be creepy.